Angry Laptop Boy

He sits down, pops open his laptop, and throws on his headphones. He starts typing in frantic bursts that look like his thumbs are about to fly off his hands. And then he stops and looks up with a glare so intensely cold it’s as if nitrogen snow forms in the air between him and … Read more

Light Speed Lover

“No, I didn’t bring any books. I have an iPhone.” That’s how the Light Speed Lover started his college biology tutor session. “I think you should consider joining me on a date event,” he said. His tutor was so very nonplussed. Ima wanna date, mmmkay? “Look,” his tutor said. “You really need to have your … Read more

Crash & Burn: Dating Fail Day

He shows up at the coffee shop first, pensively waiting, then smiles when she walks in and hugs him. “Hey,” he says, “I’d love to take you out on a date.” Friends, this does not end well. Nothing like a public crash and burn, kids. “Good Morning” from Singin’ in the Rain is playing over … Read more

Indoor Plumbing 101

“You see, there’s the two places. Well, rooms, actually. It’s set up so there’s one for men and one for women,” he says. “You use the one for women.” So apparently this man thinks his wife has never used a public restroom. Ever. Ima tell you how toilets work “So anyhow, they have a toilet … Read more

Mr. Horizontal Mambo

“Well, we had sex, but I didn’t reveal myself to her physical lover,” he says. No, really. That’s what he said. I swear to God, people, it’s like this guy is begging me to write about him. Let’s get physical   Seems Mr. Horizontal Mambo knows what he wants, and doesn’t have any problem talking … Read more

Silver-tongued Devil

“I have to buy a new car,” he says. “Why?” she asks. Dude. Stop talking. Now. “The electrical system is failing, and it’s cheaper to buy a new car than fix this one,” he says. “You just have a tail light out,” she says. “That’s what happens when the electrical system fails,” he says. “…” … Read more