Ass Boy. Double Latte, Please.

You know how there’s a dress code in restaurants? No shirt, no shoes, no service? For guys, it turns out they kind of expect us to wear pants, too, despite the liberating feeling that comes along with leaving the leg gear at home.

Behold, Ass Boy

Ass Boy, however, apparently didn’t get just how the whole clothes thing works.

Starbucks has a pretty lax dress code for customers, which worked out pretty well for Ass Boy. Yes, he was wearing pants. More accurately: He was wearing those really long and baggy gangsta shorts that suburban kids think are all the shiznit even though they’d cry and make a completely inappropriate stain in their pants (Side note: Is there an appropriate stain?) if they ever went toe to toe with seriously bad-ass gang punks that really know why they dress like that.

Except that the ass was completely torn out of this kid’s shorts. Ass. Totally hanging out. In Starbucks. As a small consolation, he was wearing boxers — a lucky twist of fate, since I can only imaging what unsanitary surprises would’ve been lurking in the dark recesses of his pants had he been going commando.

Ass Boy got a few looks, but most of the customers acted like they didn’t notice. Probably in hopes of getting their double latte and leaving the store as fast as possible.

The moral of the story: Keep your back to the wall. And Mom was totally right when she warned you to always wear clean underpants.

Thanks, Mom.

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