The Misadventure of Old Hair Guy

“Remember the song they used to play here all the time? The do-do-duh-do one,” Old Hair Guy says. His hair trails down below his belt—something you don’t typically see on someone who’s a veteran AARP member.

Old hair guySing it with me, OK?

The barista smiles and says, “I haven’t ever heard that one.”

“You know the one,” he says. “They played it all the time when this was that other place. You know it.”

“Um…” the barista says.

Old Hair Guy’s wife jumps in and says, “Leave her alone. She doesn’t know anything about any song from before this was the coffee shop.”

OHG stammers and says, “No, everyone knows—”

“You’ll have to excuse my husband,” Patient Wife says. “He’s old enough to be your grandpa and has hair so long he has to pull it up to shit.” With that, OHG closed his mouth and took his drink.

The moral of the story: Don’t put baristas on the spot, don’t argue with your wife, and don’t forget to pull up your hair when you shit. Words to live by.

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