Important Talker’s Sticky Lip Mic

“Important, important, important. Words, words, words. Loud, loud, loud.” Everyone in the coffee shop could hear what Important Talker was saying and it sure sounded like he wanted all of us to know just how important his conversation was. But I couldn’t focus on what he was saying because I was fixated on the EarPods […]

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Angry Man’s Crusade

“I can’t believe anyone buys drinks here. Starbucks is notorious for how bad they treat employees,” Angry Man says. “No one should ever come here.” By the way, Angry Man is standing in line waiting to buy a drink. It’ssa worst place evah! “This place is so bad. It’s horrible how they treat their employees,” […]

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Coffee Shop Rip Off Man Strikes Out

“Can you top off my drink with some coffee,” he asks, holding up a large cup with about three inches of room at the top. “Sure,” the barista says. “But you know we charge for coffee, right?” Did I mention the guy hadn’t actually bought a drink at the coffee shop? Imma want free stuff! […]

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Enviro-Man Mansplains the Environment

“Don’t eat the bison brats because they’re farmed,” he told her. “They keep breeding the same animals and made a genetic bottleneck. I know it’s obscure and probably isn’t a big-scale thing, but its one of those things I’m standing against.” She looked at him as if he said, “Don’t eat the rubber shoes because […]

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Apparently Size Matters

“How was your lunch?” the hostess asked. He gave her a scrunchy disappointed face, did the hand waggle so-so motion, and said, “I guess it was OK, but we were a little disappointed. I expected the sandwich to be longer.” So apparently size does matter. I kinda wished it was bigger “You ordered the 16-inch […]

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Parking Mom’s Big Worries

“My baby is so cute,” she said. “He has the most beautiful eyes.” Everyone in line was fawning over her little boy, and he really was just precious. “So they tried to steal him, and then buy me to be a sex slave, and that’s why we shouldn’t have to pay parking tickets.” Wait, what? […]

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