Indoor Plumbing 101

“You see, there’s the two places. Well, rooms, actually. It’s set up so there’s one for men and one for women,” he says. “You use the one for women.” So apparently this man thinks his wife has never used a public restroom. Ever. Ima tell you how toilets work “So anyhow, they have a toilet […]

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The Great Paper Heist

The couple slid closer together and their voices dropped down to little more than whispers. “It’s just there,” he said. “We should take it.” Finders keepers, beyotches! The paper. The. Frakking. Newspaper. He wants to steal the newspaper. “I don’t know,” she says. “I mean, are they really free to take?” “Yeah,” he says. “Why […]

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Lunchroom Lady

In she shuffles, dour faced and slouching. She trudges up to the pastry, sandwich and fruit bowl-laden food case, and asks the barista “Got anything to eat?” And this, my friends, is exactly why I can only hope we make good pets when the aliens arrive. The muffin’s natural defense is hiding in a food […]

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Techno Man Goes Social

The sandwich place has a new payment option where you can use an app on your smartphone to pay, so of course I had to check it out. And some guy in line just had to ridicule me for using my iPhone instead of cash. Because I’m a magnet like that. For Techno Man, it’s […]

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The Latte Bedroom

You know what I think when I’m really tired and need a nap? Let’s go to the coffee shop! I mean, really, what could be more relaxing than taking a nap in a crazy-loud coffee shop? With a computer on your lap. Let’s snuggle. Or snore. Whatevs. Nap Man zonked out and serenaded everyone else […]

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Plastic Cash Woman

So I order my drink just as I always do, and I break out my iPhone because I pay with my trusty Starbucks app. It’s like fake money. And there she is. Behind me. The woman that abhors my technology and is more than happy to let me know. iPhone = bad, plastic = good […]

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