Lattes and stupid people. What could possibly go wrong?
Look, people, there’s a lot of incredibly stupid stuff that goes on in coffee shops. It’s not my fault. Well, some of it isn’t — but that’s not the point. The point is that someone has to call it out, and it looks like that someone is me. Now can someone explain to me why I can’t get booze in my drink at Starbucks?
“Important, important, important. Words, words, words. Loud, loud, loud.” Everyone in the coffee shop could hear what Important Talker was saying and it sure sounded like he wanted all of us to know just how important his conversation was. But I couldn’t focus on what he was saying because I was fixated on the EarPods
“I can’t believe anyone buys drinks here. Starbucks is notorious for how bad they treat employees,” Angry Man says. “No one should ever come here.” By the way, Angry Man is standing in line waiting to buy a drink. It’ssa worst place evah! “This place is so bad. It’s horrible how they treat their employees,”
“Can you top off my drink with some coffee,” he asks, holding up a large cup with about three inches of room at the top. “Sure,” the barista says. “But you know we charge for coffee, right?” Did I mention the guy hadn’t actually bought a drink at the coffee shop? Imma want free stuff!
“Don’t eat the bison brats because they’re farmed,” he told her. “They keep breeding the same animals and made a genetic bottleneck. I know it’s obscure and probably isn’t a big-scale thing, but its one of those things I’m standing against.” She looked at him as if he said, “Don’t eat the rubber shoes because
“Remember the song they used to play here all the time? The do-do-duh-do one,” Old Hair Guy says. His hair trails down below his belt—something you don’t typically see on someone who’s a veteran AARP member. Sing it with me, OK? The barista smiles and says, “I haven’t ever heard that one.” “You know the
“How was your lunch?” the hostess asked. He gave her a scrunchy disappointed face, did the hand waggle so-so motion, and said, “I guess it was OK, but we were a little disappointed. I expected the sandwich to be longer.” So apparently size does matter. I kinda wished it was bigger “You ordered the 16-inch