Squeeze Me, Baby

You know what baristas totally love? Hearing about your polyps, lumps and cysts. Especially the cysts. And the Cyst Man? Yeah, he can really project.

Cyst man. Also, eeeewwww!!!Guess where it hurts. No, really.

“It was big,” he said. “And they wanted me to pay $175 to drain it. Can you believe that? 175 dollars!”

“Uh huh,” the barista says as her eyes glaze over while hoping an asteroid hits the store RIGHT NOW, ending this pain forever.

“You wouldn’t believe how much came out when the doctor popped it. It oozed all over the place,” Cyst Man said. You don’t see pride like that any more. That’s what’s wrong with this country, you know.

So what did we learn from Cyst Man’s amazing adventure? It was big, and I mean really big. I’m guessing the fluid he so proudly described is the same stuff the baby pods in Alien were filled with.

And baristas? Seems they aren’t quite as enamored with cyst talk as he had hoped. Keep it classy, Cyst Man.

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