Proud Parenting 101

I’m not a parent, but that doesn’t stop me from watching how other Grups handle the delicate process of raising their young. My local coffee shop is a great place to learn, and based on what I’m seeing, the best way to make sure your child grows up to be a productive member of society is by… well… ignoring them. Who knew?

Parenting 101Parenting: It’s easier than you think

No, really. Here’s how this works:

  • Be sure you and your significant other both have your laptops.
  • Plop your kid in a chair away from your table — or in this case tables because, you know, gluttony is totally in style.
  • Make sure your kid’s chair is positioned so they can easily watch you stalk your ex on Facebook. It’s all about giving your kid opportunities, people.
  • Fire up your laptop and scowl while you surf.
  • Storm out after an hour of complaining loudly about how fucking slow this Internet is.

Had I known raising kids was this easy I would’ve made like ten by now. I can get a bulk discount, right?

Leave a Comment