Mr. Horizontal Mambo

“Well, we had sex, but I didn’t reveal myself to her physical lover,” he says. No, really. That’s what he said. I swear to God, people, it’s like this guy is begging me to write about him. Let’s get physical   Seems Mr. Horizontal Mambo knows what he wants, and doesn’t have any problem talking […]

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Squeeze Me, Baby

You know what baristas totally love? Hearing about your polyps, lumps and cysts. Especially the cysts. And the Cyst Man? Yeah, he can really project. Guess where it hurts. No, really. “It was big,” he said. “And they wanted me to pay $175 to drain it. Can you believe that? 175 dollars!” “Uh huh,” the […]

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High Finance and Frappachinos

The fast moving world of high finance waits for no one, so you make the deals when they happen. Or in this case, you talk really loud on your phone so everyone in the coffee shop knows you can’t count to three or balance your checkbook. Whatever. I wanna frap an’a new credit card “Yeah, […]

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Walking Wikipedia

Coffee shops are for more than just coffee. Turns out they’re also a great place to make sure everyone knows just how frakking smart you are, and Loud Man was doing a fantastic job. How fantastic, you ask? He was like a walking wikipedia, but with less fact checking. Loud Man did his best to […]

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