The Great Paper Heist

The couple slid closer together and their voices dropped down to little more than whispers. “It’s just there,” he said. “We should take it.” Finders keepers, beyotches! The paper. The. Frakking. Newspaper. He wants to steal the newspaper. “I don’t know,” she says. “I mean, are they really free to take?” “Yeah,” he says. “Why […]

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Squeeze Me, Baby

You know what baristas totally love? Hearing about your polyps, lumps and cysts. Especially the cysts. And the Cyst Man? Yeah, he can really project. Guess where it hurts. No, really. “It was big,” he said. “And they wanted me to pay $175 to drain it. Can you believe that? 175 dollars!” “Uh huh,” the […]

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