Crash & Burn: Dating Fail Day

He shows up at the coffee shop first, pensively waiting, then smiles when she walks in and hugs him. “Hey,” he says, “I’d love to take you out on a date.” Friends, this does not end well. Nothing like a public crash and burn, kids. “Good Morning” from Singin’ in the Rain is playing over […]

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The Drink Master

You know what totally rocks? When people who clearly have no clue tell baristas how to do their job. And by “rocks,” I mean, “Hey, you! Out of the gene pool!” I don’t know what the drink is, but you’re doing it wrong. Drink Master Lady starts with the usual litany of “What’s a carmel macchiato,” […]

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The Black Karma Team

And lo, a darkness rolled over the land snuffing out all in its path, raining despair and grief in its hateful swath of destruction. No, wait. It just these two guys sitting in the coffee shop who Won’t. Stop. Bitching. It’s bitch-a-palooza day! I don’t know who pissed them off, but they did a great […]

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Can You Hear Me Now?

Technology is a beautiful thing. It can bring us together now matter how great the distance that keeps us apart, lets us share those special moments we’d other wise miss, and say those special things that come from the heart. Well, assuming they can actually hear us. Ima talking louder! “You look nice,” he said. Then […]

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The Mobile iMac. Or not.

I’m all for taking your computer to the coffee shop. In fact, I do it all the time. But your iMac? Holy Grabthar’s Hammer, dude. You brought your iMac to the coffee shop? Pick it up with two hands. It’s portable, right? There’s an unspoken code in the coffee shop: Bring your computer, but only if […]

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Blatant Man: Photo Snappin’ Fool

I never work hard to hide the fact that I’m snapping photos of people in coffee shops and most people are so unaware of their surroundings that they never even notice. Blatant Man, however, has a few things he can teach me about sneaking photos of women. No, wait. That’s creepy. He has a few […]

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Cell Phone Dude

He shuffles in with that I’m-so-cool-and-dejected look, drops into a chair, lets out a loud sigh and asks, “Did that phone ring?” He points to the candy bar cell phone on the floor, then asks again, “Did that phone ring.” And in that moment I realize that there’s a higher power sending these people to […]

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Indoor Plumbing 101

“You see, there’s the two places. Well, rooms, actually. It’s set up so there’s one for men and one for women,” he says. “You use the one for women.” So apparently this man thinks his wife has never used a public restroom. Ever. Ima tell you how toilets work “So anyhow, they have a toilet […]

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The Great Paper Heist

The couple slid closer together and their voices dropped down to little more than whispers. “It’s just there,” he said. “We should take it.” Finders keepers, beyotches! The paper. The. Frakking. Newspaper. He wants to steal the newspaper. “I don’t know,” she says. “I mean, are they really free to take?” “Yeah,” he says. “Why […]

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